You
can fit an awful lot of things in the back of a Suzuki 1.3
van.
If you're careful to pack things properly, that is.
Pile the bags and boxes up high, and be sure to make good
use of space.
I've discovered through experience however, that a Suzuki
1.3 van is less suited to the task of carrying a shit load
of bongs, pipes, lighters, stickers, two personal computers,
a ten foot high rubber cannabis leaf suit, a massive stall
on which to display the aforementioned items... and me.
Huddled in a bloody corner, slipping in and out of consciousness,
and being repeatedly awoken by that universal bitch, 'Gravity',
who delighted in dropping boxes and bags on me from all
angles.
I
don't really know who's idea it was to get up at 7am, drive
to Harwich (where?!?) and cross the channel on a 4 hour
ferry, but stern words will be had, I can assure you.
The
ferry journey in itself is enough to fill an entire novel.
Limited with space as I am however, I will simply mention
Stephen. Stephen is special. Stephen lives in the woods
and talks to the animals. Stephen has been in love for many
years, with a spirit woman who doesn't actually exist. Stephen
has had his soul stolen by a photographer, and Stephen is
in pain.
Stephen spoke to me of his troubles for over three hours,
while Mark and Space contently lapsed into sleep next to
me.
Upon arriving in Hoak Van Holland, the three of us proceeded
to get hopelessly lost in an attempt to find our hotel.
Finding Amsterdam by road isn't too difficult in Holland.
Once you're actually in the city however...
Bicycles have a tendancy to fly at you from all angles.
Cars career round corners giving no indication as to their
intentions.
Pedestrians show complete disregard for their own personal
safety, as they all race to be the next one to get in the
way of your van... Not to mention the hoards of trams...
After asking many passers by, and attempting to read hundreds
of Dutch road signs, we eventually arrived at the gates
to our hotel... The NH Troppen.
Unpacked,
unwashed, and fucking desperate for a spliff, the three
of us set out into the night to pick up some Amsterdam weed,
and try to forget the previous 10 hours.
As with many of my excursions to Amsterdam, the first stop
was Barney's coffeeshop. Of course, we didn't go directly
there; but instead fell into what I can only assume is a
trap set by the Dutch, to fool stoner tourists into seeing
more of their city. I can't help but think that hundreds
of years ago, when the Dutch of old were designing the layout
of Amsterdam, there were many giggles going around the room
at the mental images of stoned English and American tourists
attempting to navigate the labyrinth of intricate back roads
and alleys.
We made the mistake of following the helpful little green
signs that point to Central Station. The route that these
signs take you however is probably the longest route conceivable.
Eventually,
tired, hungry and still in need of a spliff, the three of
us crawled through the doors of Barney's Coffeeshop. Perhaps
the only coffeeshop in Amsterdam where you can have a fry
up and smoke spliffs whilst waiting for it to cook.We bought
some Snow White, and of course the Barney's cup entry, 'Laughing
Buddha'. The three of us ate food, smoked many spliffs,
and chatted shit to a couple of American tourists, here
for the cup... Then after an hour or two, the giggling began.
It's hard to know quite how long it continued for, but it
wasn't normal.
During this time, Mark decided he would like an apple pie.
We waited for this apple pie to be delivered for what seemed
like days. We giggled hysterically at the concept of the
staff of Barney's, planting apple seeds, watering them and
waiting for an apple tree to grow before cooking the apple
pie.
Eventually a member of the very friendly Barney's staff
came up to our table, and admitted that actually, they were
all a bit wrecked and didn't really know what was going
on... He gave us some free drinks, and asked for our order
once more.
A little while later, the ("best fuckin' apple pie
I've ever 'ad in me life!" - Mark) apple pie arrived,
accompanied by free drinks and a complimentary bong filled
with more of their cup entry, 'Laughing Buddah'.
A little while later, we decided to move to the Doors coffeeshop.
The Doors played some great music, albeit a little too loud
to allow for conversation; however the indica that Mark
had bought from their menu was sufficient enough to quash
any concept of conversation then and there. The three of
us stared at the table for quite some time, and with considerable
interest.
Brilliant.
As none of us had really slept in the last couple of days,
and all had to be up early for the first day of the cup,
we left fairly early (as in, about midnight) to catch a
tram back to our hotel.