Picture this: You’re back in your folk’s house this Christmas. Everyone's been in a turkey-induced coma for hours, and you quietly blaze up a blunt in your room (being careful to exhale through some stolen dryer sheets). You tiptoe downstairs to feast on some leftovers and take a gander over your dusty old forgotten DVD shelf and decide to throw on a classic (bonus points if you have any VHS tapes left, consolation stars if your family ever bothered investing in blu-ray thinking it was the future of cinematic technology). But what to choose? Here’s the best Christmas movies from your youth to get ripped to this holiday season!
Nightmare Before Christmas
Tim Burton’s 1993 stop-motion masterpiece is arguably his best film, and it’s the perfect blend of surreal, black humor and visual delight the director is famous for. Spark up a bowl and watch the residents of Halloween town navigate Jack Skellington’s existential crisis to find the meaning of Christmas, all through a medley of amazing musical numbers and Danny Elfman’s beautiful score.
While it’s one of the newer Christmas classics out there, nothing is truly as uplifting as watching Will Ferrell’s relentless optimism as Buddy the Elf in his quest from the North Pole to find his father all the way in the big apple. Ferrell is at his comedic best playing the naive and wide-eyed Buddy, who will resonate with anyone who has ever felt like they didn’t quite fit in (or even anyone who has ever tried to navigate New York for the first time). With the best blend of silly, innocent humor Elf has everything from pre-bangs Zooey Deschanel, to Peter Dinklage beating a hapless Will Ferrell to a pulp. And no matter what anyone says - you can’t look at Buddy’s extravagant breakfast candy pasta and say it wasn’t at least a little inspired by some serious munchies.
If you’re after something a little less wholesome (that’s still plenty of fun) to watch during yo ur holiday session, look no further than the 1984 comedy-horror Christmas classic Gremlins.
For those who aren’t familiar, The Gremlins follows the life of Billy Peltzer, who’s father gifts him a rare and strange animal called a mogwai for Christmas, after finding it in a Chinatown antique shop. There are only three housekeeping rules for the cute and fluffy mogwai - don’t get it wet, don’t expose it to bright lights, and never EVER feed it after midnight (of course, all of these things end up happening anyways). Cue a chaotic trail of violence and debauchery at the hands of countless little green demons hell bent on satiating their blood lust.
When you think about it, the titular gremlins are actually a great metaphor for getting ripped. Most obviously, they’re green - but while a harmless experiment can start out cute and fuzzy, if you’re not careful things can turn scary and downright devilish - so keep your wits about you!
So this one technically isn’t a “Christmas movie”, although it was perfectly timed for a holiday release when it came out in November of 1994 (and it still gets a lot of re-runs around this time of year). Macaulay Culkin was at the height of his childhood fame, and before playing the anxious and geeky Richard Tyler he wowed audiences in the Home Alone movies (which would also make for excellent ripped Christmas viewing).
The Page-master is an absolutely incredible and wildly underrated film, which treats viewers to a surreal animated trip through the realms of literary horror, adventure and fantasy with three talking books (voiced by acting legends Whoopi Goldberg, Patrick Stewart, and Frank Welker). You’ll be spellbound by swash-buckling fun on treasure island, leaning on the edge of your seat trying to outrun a giant paint dragon, and left hiding behind a pillow as you try to fight off the demonic Mr. Hyde. And anything that might convince you to pick up a book afterwards can only be a good thing, right?